Looking in the Mirror

This morning at the Burson household didn’t start off the best. It’s day two of yet another week of us all being stuck at home because of the snow and ice and that makes people hyper, cranky, grumpy, etc. Kyle was being obnoxious, Christyn wouldn’t get out of bed, Dad was being impatient. Mom was mad because her pancakes weren’t turning out right. Clint and I were perfect angels, as usual. Ha! Just kidding. While we were sitting at the table eating our pancakes on this National Pancakes Day, Mom said that we all had things that we needed to work on. She started naming off things that each person needed to work on. Christyn asked what I needed to work on and I quickly spouted off my default answer, “I need to not be so cranky.” This is a true statement, but it’s also safe. I don’t want to own up to the fact that there’s a lot of other things that I need to work on, so I choose to admit the universally accepted fact that I am cranky most of the time and need to fix it. As the day has went on, I’ve continued to think about my shortcomings. Without further ado, here’s some of them. Maybe if I admit them here in front of my internet friends, I’ll make more of a press to fix them.

Patience: I am not, nor ever have been, a patient person. I  like to joke that my dating life has been one big lesson in patience. Waiting for Mr. Right, waiting for Mr. Wright (haha) to be baptized, waiting for Mr. Wright to finish school. A whole lot of waiting. You’d think I’d be more patient by now, right? Wrong. I am a slow learner. When I want answers, I want them RIGHT NOW. I pray for answers and I pray that I’ll get them instantly. That is not how God works. I need to work on letting God have His perfect way and perfect timing and I need to just chill and let things happen at the right time.

Trust: I doubt things a lot. God is probably very annoyed with me at times because of this. I ask for things to happen. I ask for things not to happen. They do. They don’t. And I STILL doubt. I still let that ol’ Devil creep into my mind and make me doubt the very things that I felt like God showed me. That is dumb. I need  to fix it.

Joy: I am not a naturally optimistic person. I always expect the worst. Always. This attitude prevents me from having joy in my life. I’m always worrying and unhappy about something. I  need  to work on finding more joy in my day to day life. From waking up feeling good to hearing  gospel songs, to having good conversations with my boyfriend and my family, to drinking coffee, there is always something to find joy in every day.

I need to be on my phone less. I need to spend less time on Netflix. I need to help mom around the house more. I need to go visiting more often. I need to spend more time getting to know people and building friendships. I need to not get irritated with my grandma when she says the same thing for the 50th time in a very short time span. I need to visit with Grandpa more. I need to be a good and willing listener. I need to be a better daughter, sister, sister in the faith, girlfriend, and servant of God. I need to be more in tune with God’s spirit. I need to examine myself DAILY. And yes, I need to not be so darn cranky with everyone. It’s hard to admit that we are less than perfect. It’s hard to look at ourselves and see a person who needs to change. Luckily, God can help us to see those flaws and if we are truly honest with ourselves, He can mold us into something better. And much less cranky.

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Self Worth

“If you have a bad thought about yourself, tell it to go to hell because that is exactly where it came from.” Bringham Young 

I know that I’m not the only person in the world who has bad thoughts about myself. From silly little things like wishing I was more toned or wishing my hair was naturally straight or curly instead of naturally frizzy to bigger things like thinking I’m not a good enough girlfriend to Keith and that I don’t deserve him and that I’m not a good enough servant to God. It’s so easy to get caught up in putting ourselves down and comparing ourselves to others that we ruin whole days of our lives because we aren’t happy with the person that we are. I could come up with a list a mile long of things that I don’t like about myself. So many days lately I’ve felt like the absolute worst person in the world. I’ve hated my bad attitude and the stress and panic I feel over nothing. I’ve looked at myself and thought, your hair is a wreck and everyone likes your new coworker better because she has green eyes and is super friendly and brought them super amazing cupcakes just because. I’ve felt like I have nothing I could do for God that someone else couldn’t do better. I felt like starting a song in church the other day that a dear friend sings a lot and she sings it beautifully. I didn’t sing it beautifully. It was hard enough for me to start it at all because I knew I couldn’t do it justice and when I finally finished singing I was so mad at myself. “Why’d you even start that song? You knew you couldn’t sing it as well as Heidi.” But after church… Something happened. A friend came up and told me he was glad I’d started that song. He hadn’t heard it in a while and he really enjoyed it. He didn’t care that I didn’t sing it as well as someone else could have. That got me to thinking. We are our own worst enemies. We can compare ourselves to others all day long and we can beat ourselves up so bad that we never heal from it. Or… We can see that we are who we are for a reason. God made us the way we are because somehow those things that make us different will be used to give glory to Him. I’m not outgoing and I’ve never liked that about myself. But I am a good listener. I’m overly sensitive and cry a lot, but I’m compassionate and sympathetic. I’m tall and lanky and kind of awkward, but I can use my ridiculously long arms to help little old ladies get things off the top shelf at Walmart. So here’s a challenge for you. The next time you have a bad thought about yourself, turn it into something good. Don’t let the devil make you feel like you’re anything less than the beautiful and wonderful person that you are. The world we live in is cruel and mean and unforgiving. Let’s not make it worse by treating ourselves that way. 

 

There’s a First Time for Everything

I’ll be honest, I  didn’t wake up today thinking I would start a blog. I had every intention of creating a profile here and following a friend’s blog, that’s it. When I saw that I was actually creating a brand new, baby blog, I stopped for a minute. I wondered if I really wanted to go through with it this time. I’ve toyed with the idea, but I’ve always decided against it. Today though, I took the leap. I’ve recently realized how much words can affect people, how things that other people have written have touched my heart.  I’ve decided that I want to use this little piece of the internet that is MINE to share my thoughts with others, so that maybe I can touch their hearts in some way or at least make them laugh a little. I have no idea how often I’ll post. I have no idea what I’ll post about. But when I do, I’ll be doing so with the purpose of keeping it positive and happy and making people smile.

I didn’t exactly pick the best time to start this endeavor. Spring is upon us and with spring comes long work hours and a lot of stress. But really, there is never a good or a perfect time to start something new. If you wait around  for a good and perfect time to arrive, you’ll spend your life waiting and never doing. If people always waited for the perfect time, we wouldn’t have… Well, we wouldn’t have a lot of good things.

I feel like a first post should be awkward and all over the place, so now that I’ve got that out of the way, we can move on to bigger and better things! It can only go up from here. I hope. Going further down would be kind of a bummer.