Four years ago today, I was a high school senior who desperately wanted a job. I was also a high school senior who desperately did NOT want to work for her dad. My dad has worked at Greenleaf Nursery since he was fresh out of high school at 19 years old. 31 years. I grew up loving to visit Dad at the office, to sneak candy from the candy jar on his secretary’s desk, to be complimented left and right by his coworkers. At 17 however, working at Greenleaf was not my dream job, candy jar and compliments or not. I felt like I could do better than working for Dad, that people would just think I was a daddy’s girl who could only get a job that he gave her. I needed to do something though or I’d have to start taking blow off classes at the high school to fill the space that I’d intended to fill with a job. So on February 25, 2010, I started what I thought was a part time job until they laid me off in the summer and I started college. I still remember what I wore that first day. I still cringe at what I wore that first day. Who wears pink pants and sparkly Converse to their first day of work in an office? *facepalm* It was a busy time, learning the ropes, making mistakes, and working late. I also had high school and college homework to work in from time to time. But I loved it. I loved how grown up I felt working in an office, I loved calling customers, I loved having a desk with my own computer. I loved going out to eat with my dad for lunch and not having to pay for it. From the very beginning I’d been warned that when the busy season was over, I wouldn’t have a job anymore and that was okay. I was enrolled in college and didn’t need to worry about working. I’d figure something out. As summer approached and I graduated high school, my thoughts about the future started to shift. I decided that I didn’t want to go to college anymore. And God worked something out for me: I kept my job. Sure, I had to spend the summer filing paperwork for a department that I didn’t actually work in, sure it was the most boring and tedious thing I’ve ever had to do to date. But I was getting paid for it and I didn’t have to go job hunting. Four years later, I am still so thankful that God worked it out for me to keep working here. When I was younger, I always hated spring shipping because I never saw my dad. Since I’ve been working here, I get to see him all the time. I can take off work whenever I want to, no questions asked. I’ve been able to go on trips with my friends and family and that’s such a blessing to me. I love being able to leave work on Thursday so I can go to church at Parkland and have extra time at Keith’s. When the weather is bad, I can tag along with Dad in the 4×4 so I don’t have to drive on slick roads. I have three very funny, overly protective coworkers who treat me like their own kid (sometimes that’s not so good- it’s like I have four dads working here). I don’t make a whole lot of money, but I make enough that I can pay the bills and buy gas for my Jeep-which I bought and paid off with my Greenleaf salary. It’s not perfect here by any means. Our computers are slow, a lot of the truck drivers cuss a lot, and 75% of the work is done in 25% of the year. But the positives far outweigh the negatives and I know that God’s hand was in it when I started working here.
This would be the appropriate time to say, “Here’s to another four years,” but… I kind of hope to be married by then. So I’ll just say thanks God for providing me this job and thanks Greenleaf for being beautiful and a great place to work.
Now how about that raise?
“If you have a bad thought about yourself, tell it to go to hell because that is exactly where it came from.” Bringham Young
I know that I’m not the only person in the world who has bad thoughts about myself. From silly little things like wishing I was more toned or wishing my hair was naturally straight or curly instead of naturally frizzy to bigger things like thinking I’m not a good enough girlfriend to Keith and that I don’t deserve him and that I’m not a good enough servant to God. It’s so easy to get caught up in putting ourselves down and comparing ourselves to others that we ruin whole days of our lives because we aren’t happy with the person that we are. I could come up with a list a mile long of things that I don’t like about myself. So many days lately I’ve felt like the absolute worst person in the world. I’ve hated my bad attitude and the stress and panic I feel over nothing. I’ve looked at myself and thought, your hair is a wreck and everyone likes your new coworker better because she has green eyes and is super friendly and brought them super amazing cupcakes just because. I’ve felt like I have nothing I could do for God that someone else couldn’t do better. I felt like starting a song in church the other day that a dear friend sings a lot and she sings it beautifully. I didn’t sing it beautifully. It was hard enough for me to start it at all because I knew I couldn’t do it justice and when I finally finished singing I was so mad at myself. “Why’d you even start that song? You knew you couldn’t sing it as well as Heidi.” But after church… Something happened. A friend came up and told me he was glad I’d started that song. He hadn’t heard it in a while and he really enjoyed it. He didn’t care that I didn’t sing it as well as someone else could have. That got me to thinking. We are our own worst enemies. We can compare ourselves to others all day long and we can beat ourselves up so bad that we never heal from it. Or… We can see that we are who we are for a reason. God made us the way we are because somehow those things that make us different will be used to give glory to Him. I’m not outgoing and I’ve never liked that about myself. But I am a good listener. I’m overly sensitive and cry a lot, but I’m compassionate and sympathetic. I’m tall and lanky and kind of awkward, but I can use my ridiculously long arms to help little old ladies get things off the top shelf at Walmart. So here’s a challenge for you. The next time you have a bad thought about yourself, turn it into something good. Don’t let the devil make you feel like you’re anything less than the beautiful and wonderful person that you are. The world we live in is cruel and mean and unforgiving. Let’s not make it worse by treating ourselves that way.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t wake up today thinking I would start a blog. I had every intention of creating a profile here and following a friend’s blog, that’s it. When I saw that I was actually creating a brand new, baby blog, I stopped for a minute. I wondered if I really wanted to go through with it this time. I’ve toyed with the idea, but I’ve always decided against it. Today though, I took the leap. I’ve recently realized how much words can affect people, how things that other people have written have touched my heart. I’ve decided that I want to use this little piece of the internet that is MINE to share my thoughts with others, so that maybe I can touch their hearts in some way or at least make them laugh a little. I have no idea how often I’ll post. I have no idea what I’ll post about. But when I do, I’ll be doing so with the purpose of keeping it positive and happy and making people smile.
I didn’t exactly pick the best time to start this endeavor. Spring is upon us and with spring comes long work hours and a lot of stress. But really, there is never a good or a perfect time to start something new. If you wait around for a good and perfect time to arrive, you’ll spend your life waiting and never doing. If people always waited for the perfect time, we wouldn’t have… Well, we wouldn’t have a lot of good things.
I feel like a first post should be awkward and all over the place, so now that I’ve got that out of the way, we can move on to bigger and better things! It can only go up from here. I hope. Going further down would be kind of a bummer.